Tuesday, January 20, 2009

It really does change everything or why I'm watching the inauguration on TV in Austin.

Of all the things I thought would happen after Miss Lisel blossom was born, this eventuality never crossed my mind. I had a chance to be in DC on this most historic of days. Asleep at the Wheel played the Black Tie and Boots Ball last night, and up until a couple of days ago, I fully planned on being there. But I'm here, at home, of my own choosing. A change certainly has come.

At first, we had plannec on taking the baby with us. That was before we learned that itty bitty newborns had especially vulnerable immune systems. That was before we realized neither of us was comfortable with taking her on a germ infested plane rise to DC.

So then I was going to fly in the day of the gig, and leave her with my folks for a mere 36 hours. But something happened. Something inside of me has shifted. We've been having some jaundice and feeding issues, and I felt like I needed to be with her for that. But beyond that I just...well, I just knew that I would be miserable leaving her. I looked into the future, and saw myself having a miserable time, filled with anxious checking up phonecalls to my parents, and tearful rebukes aimed at mu husband.

I mean, she's so little. If she could have come along I would have gone but...I just couldn't leave.

This shakes my self perception to it's very core. I'm looking at the woman in the mirror, and I don't know who she is. I guess now is the time to get to know her.

My regret was minimal, until 6:30am this morning. I got a text from Dave who as I write this is navigating the massive crowds of Washington DC. Floyd Domino and him decided to venture into the city, and if I was there I would be with them. So I got a text from my husband who is in the center of the excitement and I was listening to NPR's coverage of the scene...and I lost it. My baby was just waking up for her morning feeding, and I was bawling. And of course, I couldn't get Dave on the phone, because there are a trillion people in DC, all attempting to text and call people back home...And I realized that I was sad that I missed the chance to be there. Much sadder than I thought.

Don't get me wrong, I still think staying home was the right idea. If I were in DC, I'd probably be a dazed member of the enormous crowd, my tears freezing to my face, my stomach in knots as I worried about getting to the airport on time. But this is the first rock and hard place situation I've been in. It's one of the first times I've really put Lisel before my own thing. I'm sure it won't be the last.

Now let me just say that this slightly high class problem in no was takes away from my excitement about the inauguration. I'm a huge Obama supporter, and I'm just so proud of our country for electing him. And I'm ecstatic that my daughter will grown up knowing and truly believing that the presidency is truly open to every one, and is not just an office that white men can achieve. In less than an hour, we're all going to witness the most awesome transfer of power this country has ever seen. And I'll be watching it with my daughter. And one day, I'll tell her all about it. And Dad will tell her what it was like to be in DC. And that's rad.

Just a little postscript from the evening after the inauguration.

I'm so glad I stayed home. I got to nurse my baby while watching Barack Obama become president. It was actually pretty perfect. Dave got to be there:

And I got to be here:

And it was all good.