Dave is home, and yes, I do feel better. Much better in fact. But still, the lingering overwhelmedness remains.
I think I actually came face to face with one of my limits. I thought I knew what being off the road with the girls would be like, but seeing as how I'd never actually done it before, well...I misunderestimated the situation.
It wasn't the kids. I mean if anything I'm luckier on the kid front than I could ever imagine. They're both very cool. Not that they're perfect little droidlets that never say boo they're mom. Willow is after all, a baby, and Lisel is very much a two year old. But in the lottery that is children, we hit the jackpot both times.
No, What I didn't account for was me, or the lack thereof. It turns out that taking care of two human beings, both of whom are dependent on you for almost everything...well that level of responsibility just doesn't leave a whole lot of room for oneself. The time you would normally have to decompress, let down, kick back, recharge, stare into space and just do nothing for a little while...it simply doesn't exist.
I know, I know! Those of you who have spouses in the military, who leave for truly long amounts of time, you're probably wondering why I'm whining. And those of you with real jobs and multiple kids, who struggle to find a balance every day...you're probably like "Duh! McQueen!" This is hard.
But hey, we all have to figure these things out for ourselves. I actually thought that when people said that parenting was the "hardest job you'll ever have" that they were just throwing a platitude my way...either that or they were totally wimpy. Now, I think I'm beginning to understand.
I've always understood the other part of that platitude, the part about it being the most rewarding. Somehow though, I thought I was going to be the first parent of all time who didn't really find it to be that hard.
I guess really, I just misoverestimated myself.
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