Friday, August 26, 2011

You Know You're a Parent When...

Last night, I found myself sitting in the dark; topless, in pantyhose, grannypants and a serious girdle with a baby on my breast and a sleeping toddler at my feet.

I was wearing the hose because it's a requirement for the play.

I was wearing the granny pants because that's just how I roll.

I was wearing the girdle because I have not lost my baby weight. I'm not even close to my pre-baby size. I'm not one of those women for whom breast-feeding is some magical weight loss solution. Quite the opposite in fact. Breastfeeding makes me ravenously hungry -- so much so that any attempt to curb calories leaves me lightheaded and ill-feeling. With Lisel, I didn't lose that last 10 pounds until I weened. On the one hand, it's a little rough on the ego every time I look in the mirror. On the other hand, it's nice to be pillowy for my babies. In the end, I suppose it's an emotional draw.

Anywho, they needed me to fit into my pre-baby size costumes so Cheryl in wardrobe found me the most serious girdle out there. This thing makes spanx seem like sweatpants. I feel like some 19th century romantic novel heroine -- witty, self-assured and unable to sit comfortably.

She also scored me a compression bra. I didn't even know these things existed because prior to my having babies my boobs were so small that many days I didn't even wear a bra. I had nothing to compress! These days I've got what think some movie frat boy from the 70's would term "big bazoombas." Yet, through some lingerie engineering miracle, this contraption somehow makes my boobs 1.75 inches smaller. Which is quite a bit when you're talking about boobs.

Of course, it's not a nursing compression bra. And so when Willow woke up after I came in to our dressing room at intermission and wanted to nurse, I not only had to disbrobe, but I had to dis-bra.

Which is how I found myself sitting alone in my underwear and a girdle, nursing a baby topless.

And I think it says a lot about parenthood that I was neither annoyed nor mortified by my situation, which pre-baby me definitely would have been.

Honestly, it was a nice break from a severely busy day.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad



What a riot!
Thanks for not including pictures. My imagination was just fine.

Mary Lou said...

You seriously have to put all of these blogs into a book! I can hardly wait to watch you on-stage again, now knowing what's going on back in the dressing room! You are priceless, Elizabeth.

Anonymous said...

That's mama love!!!

EMQ said...

No pictures here! But I really felt the change that parenthood caused in me that night.