Sunday, August 2, 2009

What We Give Up

This weekend, one my very best friends in the whole wide world got married. Her name is Desaray, and ever since high school she's been dazzling me with her poet's soul, her stunning intellect and her heart, a heart that seeks to give and help. She's one of three women from my teeneage years who I still keep in touch with and see on the regular.

A couple of years she met Lauren, a woman would was equal and complementary to her amazingness. The fell into each other, fell in love and decided to partner up for life. Yesterday, theyexchanged vows.

And I wasn't there for the ceremony or reception.

I was playing a gig

I really thought we were going to be off on August 1st, and had planned on being there. But a gig came in. In fact two gigs came in on the same day, and me taking off...well, it was a not so much situation.

You see, this job provides us with a fair amount of flexibilty, and a large portion of time off, but there's one catch -- you have to show up to the gigs. All the gigs. That's the unwritten rule in the band. Exceptions are made, for say, childbirth. But other than that...not so much. It's the sacrifice we make to play music for a living.

Since we play on the weekends, we miss a lot of big days. Everyone else in the non-musician world works weekdays, and parties on the weekends. Us, we relax during the week and work almost every Friday through Saturday.

Dave and I go married on a Monday, because we knew our musician friends wouldn't be able to make it otherwise.

I thought I'd become inured to the whole missing out on celebrations thing. But this weekend...this weekend I really felt it. Because this wasn't just some get together. It was a once in lifetime, huge, gigantic, lovely moment. And I wasn't there because I chose to work.

And you don't get those experiences back. Nor do you really get to make it up to someone. Because there's really no day like a wedding day.

What makes it worse is that Desaray has kept, and I have faithfully read, a blog called Dingmoonment detailing their preparations for their wedding. I know all about the dress, the suit, the cake...I know what I missed.

I got updates from friends, and it sounds like the whole day and night was amazing -- the kind of day that sets the tone for a lifetime of togetherness.

I just wish I would have been there.

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