So, I twittered (tweeted?) about this earlier, but at the risk of redumdancy I'll say it again.
We're on tour
Lisel is not.
We decided to leave her home for this four day run, because a) we're not only in the Mountains of Colorado for two days, which means twisty turny drives and ear popping altitudes b) we have a 24 hour drive from Colorado California c) two days after we get home we're headed out to the East Coast for 2 weeks, and Lisel is coming with us.
When I type it our like that, it actually makes me more secure in our decision.
As does the fact that every time I've called to check in today (which is like 4 times ) I've heard my daughter squealing with delight. Because she's at her Nana and Grandpappy's house having a good ol' time.
But of course, when I'm in my bunk, alone, or pumping (I really need to do a post about pumping) or looking at pictures of the baby, or hearing a story about a mom whose never spent a night away from her 4 year old I feel...less secure.
It's not that I worry about her being emotionally scarred by our separation. I know she's in fantastic and loving hands. But what if she get's sick, or hurt, and we're not there. And on the other end of the what if spectrum, what if she starts crawling or saying little words, and we're not around to see her reach that milestone.
But hey, c'est la motherhood! Is there much more you can do than make your choices, feel your complex emotions(and I think I'm about to quote Matthew McConaughey here) just keep living?
Because she's happier at my folks house, hanging on one place with the grandparents who love her, right? And if something happens, we'll deal with it in the moment. Right?