I feel like I may have finally crossed the threshold into adulthood.
I know it sounds strange, me being like 34 and a wife and a mother of two kids...but I reside in a city where we revel in unending adolescence. It's like Never Never Land with more coffee shops. And I'm a musician. Adult avoidance is at the top of my job description.
But somehow as I crossed the threshold of 2012, I felt this change inside. A sadness and yet an understanding of the transience of everything. Maybe it was because there have been some close couple friends of mine who've parted ways and other friends who've gotten sick and other friends who've passed on. Maybe it's because having two children is such a strange mix of life affirming wonderment and heart crushing vulnerability. Or maybe I'm just finally old enough to see it -- everything changes, everything ends.
It's just breaking my heart these days.
Yesterday I found myself in the gym listening to The Street's "A Grand Don't Come For Free" in its entirety. I've owned it for years, but in true modern music listening form I never had listening to every track in order all the way through. It's a great record; funny and hooky and very, very cinematic. The whole record is a story with plot and conflict and climax and pathos and by the last part of the last track I was near tears as I sat there on the mat, stretching my hamstrings. I hurried out of the gym and straight to my minivan and just let myself weep for it all. I hadn't realized until that moment how heavy this acceptance of endings had weighed on my heart.
So I want to share this track with the internet, even though I know it won't make any sense, it being the last track on a record where you really need to hear the whole record. And it's really the second half of this song, starting at around 3:10 that got me. I'm posting this unofficial stop motion lego video because it makes me smile. Cathartic music plus legos equals pure happiness.
Just so you know, this is Brit-hop with a bunch of cursing and a little violent language. If you have small kids or don't like anything that falls under the umbrella of rap, you may want to avoid this video. But you never know, you may really like it.